Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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