I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
