I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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