my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
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would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
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Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.