So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.