I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.