Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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