She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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