I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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