while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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