Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
