Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
