Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
