my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
