i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
