and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
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Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
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he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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