At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
