I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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