Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
