you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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