Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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