she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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