You surviving the open bar?
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I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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