i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
