Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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