Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
