Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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