adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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