Michael Bay diarrhea
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
