I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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