I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
