last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
