He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize