so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
