Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
