We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
