literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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