My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
