True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
