two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
