Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We need to get me chipped asap
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
