i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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