Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
do nipples grow back?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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