Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
