So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
