he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
