i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
