Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
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Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
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THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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