C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
