best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
