Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
