kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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