god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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