while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
