You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
