Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
