Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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