so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You can't special order awesome
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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