My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
