god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
