I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
