OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
