did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
