Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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