Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
