Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
