Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
