i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
