Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
