dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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