It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
