Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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